Anticipation

Ryan leaves tomarrow early morning (5:00am). Tonight will be his final fairwell at a party. Michael is to be included in the goodbyes.
And so, Michael leaves Monday at 12:00pm, afternoon. I've been smoking alot, I can't help it. Everything will be okay.. Right?
Ryan was the only one who never left me out, and always helped me when I needed it. Even though Chris sort of abandoned me, Ryan never did that, he always looked out for me. So now my back up is leaving as well as my man, that is why I'm stressing it. I really dont' care if the boys (Scott and Chris) bail out on me, because I just have to struggle for two months and then move out of this expensive house.
This is the LAST time I ever have roomates, it is ALOT EASIER to be on my own. Lonely, but easier. Then I don't have to worry about someone else fucking it up for me.

But anyhow... the people at the Temple that I go to are being very supportive.. .more than my actual "Friends" are. So I have taken my refuge there. My partying days are partially over, in the end, they are not there to be your "friend", they are there for the time being and to use you for your company so that THEY have good times and cure thier common lonliness. I was blinded and forgot about how there are so many people like that in this fucking world. It's hard to judge sometimes, because I get lonely as well. No more. I wont give up on friends and loved ones, but I have learned to watch out for the phonies.
The only person I feel that I can truely depend on is myself. That is the way it will obviously always will be.